Anyone growing up in a divorced home, shipped from parent to parent, experiences a small taste of what it feels like to be orphaned and homeless. Neither place you lay your head ever feels fully like home and both parent’s attention seems to be seduced by double the distractions. I would never be so impertinent to suggest that growing up this way even closely compares to the horrors of orphanhood and homelessness, but there are some similarities nonetheless.
Doing life unanchored to a sense of home or stable family has all kinds of unexpected consequences. You believe that you are meant to do life completely on your own and that you likely can’t depend on anyone for anything. For me, that looked like incredible self-reliance and selfishness.
My faith journey was a huge disruption to that system and each of my six subsequent children incrementally contributed to the dismantling as well. But despite all that, most of the planets still orbited around me in my solar system. Identifying what all that selfishness was rooted in and dealing with that deeply entrenched source, has opened a doorway to a lot of healing and a lot of restoration.
Can you imagine being married and having six kids with someone so focused on themselves and their own survival?
I’ve still got some work cut out for me, but as a guy I know named Morgan likes to say: "I am not the man I want to become, but I am no longer who I used to be."
Progress feels glacial at times but can also catch me completely by surprise. 2017 was a year of a lot of growth and progress with our clients. Many were very kind to make sure that we knew as we ended one year and began this one, how thankful and overwhelmed they were by all the change. Some actually marveling at how different life and work seemed to be from just 12 months prior.
I used to subsist on affirmation like this. I built my life and feedback loops to make sure I had enough of this crucial ingredient to survive. But it is starting to land with me in really different ways. Their acknowledgment of our contribution, while deeply appreciated, isn’t what I am delighting in most.
Uncommonly, I am finding incredible joy in their successes. Pure joy unadulterated by self-interest. I am enjoying their feelings of success and anything that they might say about me feels more like an afterthought. I am genuinely delighting in their success and the life they are experiencing.
Whoever thought that personal restoration and a systematic path toward business transformation would result in this kind of deliverable?
This year, we are digging harder and faster. If this is the treasure to be found in the field, I want a whole lot more of it. I am not so much interested in being toasted, but finding as many others as possible to toast.
- How much do you enjoy the success of others?
- Do you enjoy it as much as your own?
- Are you spending your energy and time on the kinds of things that will truly change your circumstances?
- Are you seeing the kind of results that you and others can both celebrate a year from now?