“When she speaks
there is so much permission in her love
and holy on her breath
you cannot help but sit like you are budding toward the sky,
you cannot help but believe you are every bit as necessary
as you were created to be."
- An excerpt from "She" by Danielle Bennett
There is a woman in one of our leadership classes that I'm especially drawn to. She is a brilliant and successful leader who can take charge and "get things done." When she came to her first meeting several years ago, she had this authentic beauty about her, but it was buried under years of pain and heartache that gave rise to a defensive posture and unattainable perfectionism. The tenderness in her eyes didn't match the clinching of her jaws, but it was there.
Eventually, that heavy old armor she was wearing didn’t fit her tiny body anymore and was starting to get in the way. She started to take a hard look at how she was pushing people away at work and holding them to standards they could never meet, and realized she was constantly berating herself with the same scrutiny to be better, work harder, and maintain control. She knew something had to give.
So, she began to let God "mother" her; to really take care of her. She went on a vacation for the first time in years. She attended a LifePlan where she was able to experience healing from past wounds. She started to accept the love and care from a boss that she was initially set against. She was taking her place as a daughter of Eve, whose name means "mother of all the living" or "source of life." She was able to offer life instead of protecting herself from it. As she learned to be gracious with herself, she was able to give that grace to others.
The shift in her that stuck with me was when I was sitting across the table from her at a Thai restaurant. She was a week away from having a performance review with her employee, and she was wanting some ideas on how to honor him.
What?! HONOR him? Was this the same woman I had met several years ago?
She wanted to help him see how he was succeeding in the role instead of focusing solely on his shortcomings. This was a very different use of her power. She had always been an incredible and intentional mother to her kids at home, but now it was spilling into her work. And it was beautiful. I told her she was "mothering" him in the best ways. She sat up a little straighter. She knew it was true, and we both knew it was good.
As a woman, the term "mother" can seem so limiting, and it's often a word that we leave at home with the kids. But it is so much more than birthing and raising little humans, although that is a very significant part of it. It is also about bringing life to the world with your words, your work, and your unique voice. It’s about calling someone up into their true identity with your very presence. It is fighting for the good in others and standing in the gap when discouragement and lies have overtaken them. It is offering the very life source of God, our Father and our Mother, to everyone around us...even our employees, bosses, and co-workers.
And how did her review go with that young employee? It was glorious. There were tears. And they weren't the result of a good scolding from the boss lady, but from a woman who knows who she is as a fierce and loving mother and is helping others realize that they are "every bit as necessary as they were created to be."
Consider
What do you normally think of when you think of the word “mother”? Does it have mostly positive or negative connotations for you?
Outside of your biological mother, who has “mothered” you in positive ways? How did that affect you? Have you told them so?
If you are a woman in the workplace, how are you using your authority to offer life and dignity to those around you? Do you tend to diminish your strengths and the strengths of others or celebrate them?